I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
