If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
