Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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