We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
birth control should be required to get into college
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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