I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
