His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
