she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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