I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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