I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
