why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I party with great urgency now.
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