we have pet lesbian snakes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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