My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
