I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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