Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
