Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
