Betty ford says i'm here all night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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