my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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