So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
