I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
