I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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