THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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