I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
