i don't like sucking hair
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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