just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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