I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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