wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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