is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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