he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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