i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
