remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
