Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
