Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
