Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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