so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
