I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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