First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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