i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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