She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
