low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
