I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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