you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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