dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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