I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
