I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
