I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
