Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
