I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
