Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
