I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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