Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
