that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
