Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
