im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
