I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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