p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
