i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
