I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's never too late to be topless.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
