sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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