thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
