He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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