Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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