first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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