I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
