We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
